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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813691">Celestial Bean</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laora/pseuds/Laora'>Laora</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bring Down the Sky [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gundam 00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gen, Humor, the cursed Celestial Being movie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:01:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laora/pseuds/Laora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Miss Sumeragi orders a top-secret Earthside mission, two years after the A-Laws are defeated.</p><p>(Amy and Lyle have <i>never</i> had this much ammunition against their brother. They fully intend to use it.)</p><p>[ Can be read independently from the rest of the series. ]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bring Down the Sky [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Celestial Bean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>oh my <i>god</i> i wrote this like a person possessed, was talking w sapphireswimming and just <i>imagining</i> the havoc this would create in BDTS-'verse was too good to pass up. i wrote this in like 3 hours</p><p>(I ONLY REALIZED AFTER THE FACT THAT I'M POSTING THIS FOR THE TWINS' BIRTHDAY. I'M SO SORRY NEIL) </p><p>if you're coming in AU-blind, the only thing you really have to know is that Neil got a time travel do over, and saved his family by stopping the bombing. he still joined celestial being and continues to pilot for them. also, at this point amy is married to her college sweetheart Nat</p><p>there's quite a bit of cursing if that bothers you, it's like 100% used for comedic effect tho. the background ships are locktie, allemarie, and christendahl bc i love all of them</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em><strong>Amy</strong>: hey bro<br/>
</em> <em>congratulate alle on their transition for me<br/>
</em> <em>also what are their pronouns now?</em></p>
</blockquote><p>Lockon <em>stares </em>at his phone, reading the texts again as if they might make more sense the second time around. Amy hasn’t so much as <em>seen</em> Allelujah in over two years, since her wedding, and though he texts his siblings constantly, with their security measures lessened, he’s <em>pretty sure </em>he hasn’t said anything that could be misconstrued—</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: also lyle wants to know where u got your hair dye so u can keep matching</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He reaches self-consciously for his bangs, pulling them into view. They’re the exact shade of brown they’ve been his entire life. What the <em>fuck</em>—</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Nat</strong>: hey uh sorry in advance. Amy’s way too excited about this movie</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: ????????????????????</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Nat</strong>: oh shit<br/>
</em> <em>she beat me to it, didn’t she</em></p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>Chris is <em>cackling, </em>when he wanders out to the bridge. He’s worked here long enough to be <em>extremely worried </em>about this.</p><p>Feldt’s keeping a straight face, staring at her screens, but Miss Sumeragi’s clearly holding back her own laughter. Lichty and Lasse, luckily, look just as confused as Lockon feels, which is...some sort of comfort, at least.</p><p>“Uh,” he says, and waves his phone a little helplessly. Chris takes a good look at his expression, and only laughs harder. “I think I missed something?”</p><p>“You and me both, dude,” Lasse says, making a face over his shoulder, and Miss Sumeragi smiles.</p><p>“Lichty, we have a <em>very </em>special mission on the surface this evening,” she says, and he turns around to <em>stare </em>at her. “Make sure we’re docked and ready at the Parisian safehouse by six o’clock.”</p><p>Lichty has worked for Celestial Being almost as long as Lockon, which means that he is deeply conditioned to follow his commander’s orders without question. It <em>also </em>means, though, that he has a keen sense of when he should be worried about what he’s getting himself into. Lockon watches a little helplessly as both of these instincts play out on his face.</p><p>“Why?” he ventures, after several seconds, and Miss Sumeragi levels a <em>look </em>at him.</p><p>“It’s absolutely vital to our continuing operations,” she says, her tone dipping a little in a way that sends Lockon’s heart racing. “You will be given information on a need to know basis.”</p><p>Lichty blinks, and swallows thickly. But he wisely decides not to question her further.</p>
<hr/><p>Chris barges into his cabin, half an hour later, holding over her arm a nicer suit than Lockon’s ever worn in his <em>life.</em></p><p>“This is for you,” she chirps, and doesn’t give him a chance to protest before she shoves it into his arms. “You’d better get changed, we’re gonna be landing soon.”</p><p>“Uh...huh,” he says, staring down at it. He feels like even just <em>holding </em>it is way out of his wheelhouse. Where the <em>hell </em>did Chris get something this fancy? “And, uh, are we allowed to know what this super secret mission is, yet?”</p><p>“Nope,” she says, with a grin, and walks right back out.</p><p>Several seconds later, he hears Tieria yelling from across the hall. “I can break out the ballroom dress again, if you’d prefer,” Chris says, something dangerous in her voice despite the obvious smile, and Lockon swallows.</p><p>He makes sure his door is locked (not that it’d stop Chris), and quickly changes into the suit without another word of complaint.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em><strong>Lyle</strong>: Look, I don’t know what Amy sent you, but just ignore her<br/>
</em> <em>She’s having WAY too much fun with this.</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: yea and are you allowed to tell me what shes having fun with?</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Lyle</strong>: Sorry, I know twin loyalty and all, but Amy has personally promised to scalp me if I do<br/>
</em> <em>And I quite like my hair how it is, thanks</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: really? she said you wanted to dye it?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Lyle</strong>: She said WHAT</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>Lockon’s fixing Allelujah’s tie outside their cabin doors when Chris comes back down the hall, later; she’s trailed by a smiling Miss Sumeragi and an entirely too quiet Feldt. All three of them are decked out to the <em>nines, </em>and he wonders suddenly whether the way their hair is piled up so professionally has anything to do with the way they stole Orange Haro from his cabin, this morning.</p><p>“Excellent,” Miss Sumeragi says with a smile, looking them both up and down. “Lockon, you’ll want to tie your hair back, I think. Allelujah, that would probably be best for you as well.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with my hair?” Lockon asks defensively, and she gives him a <em>look</em>.</p><p>“It looks <em>anything </em>but formal,” she points out, canting her head. “And in case you didn’t get <em>any </em>of your brother’s analytical brains—where we’re going, you’re going to need all the help you can get.”</p><p>Low <em>fucking </em>blow. Feldt hands him a black hair tie without a word, and he reaches back to tie his hair back into something that’s probably presentable. Chris frowns at him, and steps forward, yanking him down far enough for her to reach, and rearranges it properly. By the time he stands up again, Miss Sumeragi’s done the same to Allelujah, who looks extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation.</p><p>“Marie and Anew should be ready soon, too,” Chris says brightly. “Mileina just wanted to do something extra fancy to their hair.”</p><p>Allelujah’s eyes widen, and then he blushes. Lockon sighs. Whatever this is, he gets the distinct impression it’s going to be a <em>long </em>night.</p>
<hr/><p>“No weapons!” Chris says, as the crew huddles in their safe house later that evening. Lockon <em>stares </em>at her. He doesn’t even remember the last time he went somewhere public without carrying, and Miss Sumeragi called this a <em>mission,</em> and especially with the limited mobility these fitted suits provide, they can’t seriously expect them to—</p><p>Tieria’s voicing these exact thoughts (loudly and angrily), though Lockon notes with some amusement that he acquiesced to the suit, eventually. He can’t tell whether Setsuna’s more uncomfortable with the get-up or with the disarm orders. Allelujah just looks plain uncomfortable.</p><p>“Nothing is going to go wrong,” Miss Sumeragi assures them confidently, crossing her arms. Tieria rolls his eyes, but he eventually hands over his pistol. Lasse pulls a knife out of his breast pocket (and of all of them, Lockon thinks he looks most at ease in these ridiculous clothes), and Setsuna stares hard at Miss Sumeragi before pulling out his own pistol and knife.</p><p>Miss Sumeragi turns expectantly to Lockon, and he sighs, reaching for the back of his waistband. He relinquishes his pistol, and then shoves his hands into his pockets. She takes it with a smile; then, she puts out her hand again.</p><p>He stares her down for several seconds, but her smile doesn’t waver. He sighs explosively, and then he reaches into his jacket, handing over his second gun.</p><p>“Excellent,” she says, glancing around at the assembled crew. “Now, we should get going, it’s scheduled to start in just over an hour.”</p><p>Lockon still isn’t sure what <em>it </em>is. But based on the wicked grin on Chris’ face, and the worry obvious on everyone else’s, he knows it’s going to be anything but good.</p>
<hr/><p>There’s a limo waiting for them on the street.</p><p>A <em>whole-ass limousine. </em>Lockon’s never sat in one of these in his life. He glances around at the crew; Ian’s brows have hit his hairline, and Lasse looks bemused at best, and Allelujah and Marie are both staring at it as if trying to figure out what it is or how it works.</p><p>“In you go!” Chris says cheerfully. She gathers up the skirt on her dress carefully before climbing into the backseat, pulling Lichty by the hand. Miss Sumeragi follows with a smile, and the rest of them pile in more slowly after her.</p><p>The limo has a <em>bar. </em>And <em>mood lighting. </em>What the <em>fuck </em>is happening right now.</p><p>“So, you all should have tickets on your terminals,” Chris says cheerfully. “With your <em>cover names, </em>Tieria, don’t worry about it—”</p><p>“Tickets for what?” Lockon asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening his documents. Sure enough, there’s a red carpet ticket to a premiere showing, proud as anything, addressed to one <em>Mark Finnegan, </em>and—</p><p>“You’re bringing us to see a <em>movie?” </em>Dr. Moreno asks, looking supremely skeptical. Or, maybe it’s just because Chris made him take his sunglasses off. It’s hard to tell.</p><p>“It’s not just <em>any </em>movie,” she says, and Tieria practically snarls, next to Lockon. He grabs him by the shoulder, just in case, because the limo is <em>really </em>cramped, and a fistfight wouldn’t do them any favors. He’s not sure they’d be let onto the red carpet with a split lip or a black eye. (Of course, maybe that’s Tieria’s whole plan.) “You’ll see what it’s about.”</p><p>Lockon almost loosens his grip. <em>Almost. </em></p>
<hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: so where you at rn?</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Neil</strong>: how did you—<br/>
</em> <em>you know what. it doesn’t matter<br/>
</em> <em>[image]</em></p>
  <p><em><strong>Amy</strong>: awwwwwWWWWW you guys look so handsome!<br/>
</em> <em>im glad to see tierias still around<br/>
</em> <em>i thought maybe something happened, since he looked a little different</em></p>
</blockquote><p>Well, technically, something did happen. Except as it turns out, his boyfriend is part-computer and can just <em>regrow his own body </em>on the fly. Not that Amy knows this, of course.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: uhh, no, same old tieria</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Amy</strong>: glad to hear it &lt;3<br/>
</em> <em>so whats got u all so dressed up? u even pulled your hair back??</em></p>
  <p><em><strong>Neil</strong>: we’re at a fancy movie premiere. apparently<br/>
</em> <em>chris still hasn’t told us what’s going on</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: OMG</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>She doesn’t continue immediately, long enough for Neil to wonder whether she got sidetracked again, or her phone died, or something. But then she replies—</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em><strong>Amy</strong>: youll have to let me know what u think when youre done<br/>
</em> <em>if youre seeing what i think youre seeing<br/>
</em> <em>youre gonna like it, promise</em></p>
</blockquote><p>What, is there only one big movie coming out this weekend? Lockon’s been ridiculously bad at keeping up with the arts, so it’s not like he would know.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em><strong>Neil</strong>: uhhh ok, if you say so<br/>
</em> <em>think it’s about to start, talk to you later</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: love u!!! have fun &lt;3</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Lockon puts his phone back into his pocket, and throws an arm around Tieria’s shoulders, and turns as the curtain begins to rise. He’s sure, if nothing else, that <em>someone’s </em>going to have fun when this is all over.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: HEY AMY, WHAT THE FUCK</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: :D hello to u too</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Neil</strong>: WHAT THE /FUCK/ WAS THAT<br/>
</em> <em>WHAT DID I JUST WATCH FOR ALMOST FOUR HOURS</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: oh god, they didnt cut the runtime?? </em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Neil</strong>: that’s not<br/>
</em> <em>amy</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: yea?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: next time i’m in ireland you and i are gonna have Words</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Amy</strong>: sure thing, love chatting with my big bro<br/>
</em> <em>except idk if i can call you that anymore, yea?<br/>
</em> <em>didnt they say that olsen was the one with a twin brother and little sister at home? at least thats what the trailer said<br/>
</em> <em>im p sure that means im an erde now<br/>
</em> <em>good luck figuring that out w your boyfriend lol<br/>
</em><em>family reunions are about to get Complicated</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil</strong>: WORDS, AMY</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy</strong>: u are saying them, yes</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>Lockon isn’t sure who’s angriest, as they all file out of the theater and back to their limo. (Their <em>limo. </em>How the <em>fuck </em>is this not the strangest part of the night?)</p><p>It’s almost midnight, and Mileina’s eyes are drooping a little under the frankly ridiculous amount of mascara she’s wearing, and it appears that Ian and Lasse are several drinks in. If nothing else, their arms are slung around each other as they all but collapse into the car, grinning widely at the rest of them.</p><p>Lockon’s <em>never </em>seen Tieria this angry. Which is saying something, and frankly more terrifying than the rest of this put together.</p><p>“Christina Sierra,” he says, the moment the door slams shut behind Sumeragi, and she turns a beatific smile toward him. “<em>What was that?”</em></p><p>“The world’s homage to our tireless efforts,” she says, her smile only growing. Lockon swallows, and tightens his grip around Tieria’s shoulders just in case. “I mean, they might’ve gotten a few details wrong, but—”</p><p>“Except for the ones they <em>didn’t,”</em> he snarls, and yeah, okay, Lockon’s glad he wasn’t the only one to notice that some of the details hit a little too close to home. “Were you <em>feeding them infor—”</em></p><p>“Oh, no, Chris would never do that,” Miss Sumeragi says, sipping at her sparkling cider and smiling serenely around at them all. “That was me.”</p><p>Lockon’s so surprised that he drops his grip on Tieria’s shoulders. Luckily, Allelujah’s on his other side, and manages to pull him back before he actually, bodily, lunges for their commander. “You’re gonna have to explain that one, boss,” Lockon says after another second, his voice a little hoarse, and she turns her smile to him, instead.</p><p>“I was asked to contribute to a historical record,” she says simply. “It’s not like I could pass something like that up.”</p><p>Except—except, yeah, that’s definitely something she <em>should’ve </em>passed up, because political immunity or no, they’re still <em>very much active </em>and— “I didn’t tell them anything important,” she assures them, and takes a sip of her cider. “Small details, out of context, assigned to the wrong person. No names, you’ll notice your doppelganger was named Warren?” she tips her head toward Lockon with her brows raised. “And I didn’t even include Saji, since he was so eager to leave us behind. I thought it’d make him uncomfortable.”</p><p>Lockon opens his mouth. Then, he closes it again. And yeah, okay, sure, with the bastardization of their personalities and appearances, it’s not like anyone could trace it back to any of them. But—</p><p>Every one of them sat through the credits, too stunned to do anything else. Every one of them saw the <em>official consultants </em>section, which included such memorable names as Leesa Kujo, and Graham Aker, and <em>Patrick Colasaur</em>.</p><p>Lockon chances a look at Setsuna, at the end of the bench seat. And sure, the kid’s hard to read on a good day, but he’s pretty sure that frown is half a step from homicidal.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em><strong>Lyle: </strong>Dude I am SO SORRY<br/>
</em> <em>I hadn’t seen the trailers<br/>
</em> <em>I didn’t know how bad it was</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil: </strong>yea, has amy told you she adopted herself out? i tried to tell her tieria doesnt have any family. she didnt listen</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Lyle: </strong>Yeah, she’s calling herself Amy Erde<br/>
</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil: </strong>but...but her surname’s Peterson now</em>
  </p>
  <p><em><strong>Lyle: </strong>Yeah, I know.<br/>
</em> <em>I think Mum and Dad are taking bets on whether I’m gonna punch her before Nat does<br/>
Y</em><em>ou wanna buy in?</em></p>
  <p><em><strong>Neil: </strong>nat, obv<br/>
</em> <em>youd never punch amy</em></p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Lyle: </strong>Dude you haven’t seen her. It’s AWFUL</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil: </strong>still nat</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Lyle: </strong>Yeah, I guess that’s fair</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>The details, or lack thereof, only get worse the longer Lockon has to think about them. By the time they’re at the safe house, he’s realized exactly what Amy’s text about Allelujah meant. By the time they load back onto the shuttle, he’s realized that the way <em>Olsen </em>was so attached to his family on Earth <em>had </em>to be a dig on Tieria.</p><p>And by the time they get back to the Ptolemy, he’s realized the link between <em>Maikel’s </em>long-winded monologues, and Graham <em>fucking </em>Aker’s name listed in the credits as a subject matter expert. He’s one hundred percent sure that Maikel talked more in those four hours than Lockon’s heard Setsuna say in the last ten years. And sure, Lockon didn’t often go toe to toe with the Union’s ace, but the few times he did were, uh, <em>memorable. </em></p><p>Setsuna’s obviously come to the same conclusion. Lockon’s pretty sure the only reason he hasn’t stabbed Miss Sumeragi yet is that it’d probably mean he’d lose his Gundam for good.</p><p>The rest of the crew seems to be taking it more in stride, if only because they were much more minor characters. And sure, maybe someone told the movie crew that <em>both </em>their helmsmen were ripped and stupidly tall. But that’s only ever gonna build up Lichty’s self esteem, as he grins a little goofily at Chris for the next week or so. And maybe they turned Ian into a trio of engineers with a dozen techs, and left out the Haros entirely, but he thinks that probably would’ve been too big of a breach to justify, even for Miss Sumeragi.</p><p>Feldt doesn’t say a word the whole trip, and refuses to answer whether she had anything to do with this. Lockon thinks, feeling a little betrayed, that that’s probably answer enough.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy: </strong>tell my big bro i say hi!</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil: </strong>amy.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy: </strong>oooooooor, u could give me his phone # so i can text him myself</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Neil: </strong>tieria would actually kill me if i did that</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em><strong>Amy: </strong>:( my big bro isn’t very nice</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><hr/><p>(Chris buys the special edition Blu-ray, when it comes out. Lockon is honestly surprised she isn’t murdered on the spot.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i do in fact make the rules, and the rules are that amy is a chaotic texter. no i do not accept constructive criticism</p></blockquote></div></div>
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